she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize