You're my little dorito
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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