I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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