seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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