Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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