$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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