dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize