then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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