i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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