They should really pass out barf bags in church
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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