Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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