She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize