I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
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Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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