if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize