I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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