tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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