Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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