Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He kissed a someone with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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