I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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