Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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