I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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