wakey wakey hands off snakey
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
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My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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