you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Fuck appropriateness.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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