I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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