it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
false alarm. still invincible.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
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I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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