you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize