The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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