I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
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We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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