He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Found your dick twin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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