margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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