i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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