Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize