i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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