I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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