I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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