When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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