I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
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I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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