so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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