1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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