grandma shit on top of the toilet
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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