just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
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I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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