God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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