Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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