Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
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I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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