He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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