my phone needs a breathalizer
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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