I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
