I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize