I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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