Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
